Monday, March 11, 2013

The Storm

The Storm
Quinton Dodge
March 14, 2013
Block B

Twas a cloudy day in South Dakota. Everything was going well at the time. There was a few strong gusts of wind as a large grey cloud started to overtake the sky. Leon started to notice that the weather was getting to be a little strange, so therefore he started to head home for dinner.

Leon hopped on his quad and he went through the large mud puddles. He was driving by his neighbors house and waved to the three pit bulls. They were very friendly with Leon and his wife Barbara. The pit bulls often chased after the mailman. They had to move their mailbox closer to the street after the pit bulls got a large chunk of the mailmans thigh.

When he arrived at home he was met at the front door by Barbara. He was also really happy when he noticed the pot of Spaghetti O’s on the stove. This was Leon’s favorite. As they sat down at the dinner table to start eating, the winds started to pick up speed. Leon was able to tell that Barbara wasn't to thrilled about this storm.

Leon and Barbara were finished eating as Barbara started to wash the dishes. Leon went into the bedroom to change out of his overalls.As he decended the staircase he saw Barbara gazing out of the window. She started to really get nervous. Her legs started to wobble and feel like jello. Leon knew that she wasn't feeling good so he sat her down on the couch and got her a bad to hyperventilate. She was getting herself all worked up, to the point where she passed out.

Leon knew that he had to be heroic. The storm was now roaring with winds, loud booms of thunder, and bright flashes of lightning. He threw her over his shoulder and threw her on the front of the quad. He then hooked up a few umbrellas to the quad so that they wouldn't get soaked or get hypothermia. He turned the quad on and floored it to the hospital. Her skin was starting to turn pale.

The roads were very bumpy and rocky. The potholes were filling up with water. Everything was very muddy. Also the roads weren’t lit. The only light available was the light on the front of the quad and a very large flashlight that he managed to grab before leaving. He had a full tank of gas. The quad wasn't the fastest, but it was all he had. It was his only option. He was going at 55 mph, which was the top speed. He could only see what was 10 feet ahead of him. He was trying to be careful, but get there fast at the same time.

Leon took a quick left turn and jumped the curb. He landed, but Barbara landed on her shoulder. Somehow they managed to stay on the quad. A bolt from the back right tire flew off into the air. Then another. The tire was loose now. It was damaged from when they hit the curb. It was wobbling out of control. Then Leon heard a pop. The front left tire got punctured by a nail. It was rapidly losing air.

The quad wasn't going to last much longer. It had lots of damage. It was also running out of gas. The engine was making strange noises. The quads engine was starting to smoke. The hospital was right down the street. He could see the lights ahead of him. He was almost there. He slammed on the gas pedal. The quad had one last thrust in it. He was finally there.

As he arrived, the umbrellas flew off of the quad. He drove through the main entrance. The surgeons were waiting because he had called on his cell phone shortly after he had left the barn. They knew what was wrong, by just the look of her skin. She was so worked up, that she had a heart attack. This one was major however. They were going to have to perform surgery immediately. If Leon was a minute later she would have died.

After multiple hours of waiting, pacing, and sleeping, Barbara’s surgery was completed. The doctor walked into the waiting room. He informed
Leon that she would live.


  1. 1. The conflict of the story is when Leon is bringing Barbara to the hospital in the middle of a very bad storm. The conflict was external. I was invested in finding out the resolution to the story. Maybe something to make the story more dramatic could be to add some obstacles that happen while they are on driving on their way to the hospital.
    2. The main character Leon changes throughout the story because he has to be heroic to bring Barbara to the hospital in the storm. This change is important to the story because if he wasn't heroic then Barbara would have died.
    3. My favorite part of the story was the climax. " The storm was now roaring with winds, loud booms of thunder, and bright flashes of lightning." I liked this line because it described the storm really well.
    4. The story's best quality is the characters. Leon changed and became very heroic which in the end saved Barbara's life."Leon knew that he had to be heroic."
    5. The story's theme is heroic because the main character was heroic by going out in a storm to save Barbara's life. The seed that the author plants is when Barbara is getting panicky about the storm and then faints because due to her getting so panicky is why she is rushed to the hospital.
    6. One main thing the author needs to revise is to add more words to the story. I think that you can get more words if you add some more detail about the storm. Maybe include them hearing about the storm on TV, and put some more obstacles in the way of Leon and Barbara when they are going to the hospital.

  2. The story overall is pretty good. But is sounds a bit random.

  3. 1)The conflict was Barbra had a heart attack and he needed to bring her to the hospital
    2)The main character was Leon
    3)My favorite part was when Leon was a hero.
    4)The story's best quality is the ending
    5)The story's theme is a hero
    6)The length

  4. Emily
    1) Barbra was sick
    2) Leon
    3) The quad started to break
    4) The climax
    5) Heroic
    6) I think he did good overall